i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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