All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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