you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
