I heard we made out
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
