He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
