Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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