dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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