After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
