Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How's work?
Spinning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
