Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
