My cat gives me a boner
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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