NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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