just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
