What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
