im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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