tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
