Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
