he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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