grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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