he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
