also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
