I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
