I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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