well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
