I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
