Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
