I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
