In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
