Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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