Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
