he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
