this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
