You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
