She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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