Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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