i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
