Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
