If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
