I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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