i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
