So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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