You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
