Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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