cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
