Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
