if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
