Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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