Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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