i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
