Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
